Be sorry that you made me so happy. That's what hurts. That you made me so happy.
- Ken Follet, The Pillars of the Earth
I don’t know when and how this scintilla started. One thing is for sure: my heart keeps on screaming your name.
It was last month when I started to have this bizarre heartbeat. You were just sitting next to me and our legs ended up touching. I was so reluctant that my heart stuttered.
“Girl, I think I’m drowning.”
At first, I thought it was just a fleeting feeling. But days passed by and it started to grow.
I want to know the real you just a tiny bit better every day. There were times that I’ve tried to listen to your favorite bands and watch the movies you love.
I always wanted to be close to you. I went to the place you hang out whether on purpose or not. When you are seated next to me, I always give you less space so that I could hear clearly the melody of your heartbeat.
I love talking to you and hearing your quirky thoughts. I love having inside jokes and coming up with the ever random comedy bits only we can understand. I always die in front of your fetching eyes that smile when you laugh. Remember the time when I held your eyes and asked you to smile? That was the time that
I wanted to tell you how much I love you. But I can’t.
The most painful part of loving someone is when he is committed to someone else. You love him but he doesn’t feel the same way and isn’t going to feel the same. Isn’t it ironic? We did the right things for the wrong person.
My heart grimaced. I saw you with her, cuddling and talking. A part of me died. It should be me, my heart mumbles. What am I to you? A nobody, I guess.
I ignore you each day and tried to deny. Every time we talk I used to lie. I changed direction each time you’re near and I don’t know what to do whenever you’re close. Are you aware that you’re killing me? Every time your shoulder bumps into me I started to panic. Every time you call my name, I die a little.
How I wish I was the girl you surprise with books. How I wish I was the girl who received that fluffy, pesky teddy bear. How I wish I was the girl holding your gaze across the table in a fancy dinner. How I wish I was the girl you wrote letters to. How I wish I was her.
What am I to you? A nobody, I guess.
You are a leech. You came inside this crimson heart without any precautions. You shattered my heart into pieces. You slaughtered my love for you. You shouldn’t make me happy. You shouldn't make me sad either.
I don't know what I feel right now. I just know you are a leech that keeps sucking the blood of this broken heart when you're done with every ounce of it. Please make me feel brand new.