It's one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. - Maya Angelou
![Picture](/uploads/8/3/1/8/83181560/mother-103311-1280_orig.jpg)
As much as I do not want to be involved in a hopeless situation, it happened to me inevitably. It was my sixth grade when I realized that my parents were separating. I was an only child back then. I didn’t have a permanent home. Neither of my parents didn’t have the bones to provide me a home. My mother was abroad during that time. She told me to leave our house in Iligan City. I did as I was told.
At an early age of twelve, I lived at my aunt’s house. The next year, I lived in another aunt’s house at Cagayan de Oro. I don’t know whether my aunts really wanted me there or if they were just forced by the sudden responsibility they have toward me.
My stay in the previous houses weren’t that long. Another aunt welcomed me and made me stay at their house in North Cotabato. I stayed there for four years.
When vacation came, I went to Pangasinan to visit my maternal relatives. I was so shocked when I found out that my mother, whom I thought was still abroad, was in Pangasinan as well. I could still remember the tremble in my voice when I asked her, “Ma, andito ka?” She was staring at me as if she did not know what to say. I looked at her until my eyes steadied on her stomach. She was carrying a baby. I did not need to confirm it. I felt betrayed. My own mother lied to me. She was all I could rely on but even she had the guts to lie to me!
I never knew I could experience such anger and hatred towards one person until that revelation happened. I cried my heart out in my room. I hugged my pillow so tight and asked Him why I am experiencing all these heartaches. My relatives even told me that I’ll be staying Pangasinan for good and not just for a vacation.
I wanted to go home. But then, do I really have a home? I wanted to escape. I never did anyone wrong. But, why do I keep struggling and hurting? All I wanted was a happy life.
I swallowed my pride and went to my father in Manila. I was full of hope when I saw my father open the door for me. He had this stern look on his face and immediately told me I can’t stay with him in his house. Devastation was an understatement for my feelings during that time. Nobody really cares for me.
As soon as my mother found out about what happened in Manila, she immediately asked me if I wanted to stay with her and her new husband in Pangasinan. I felt hesitant at first. But I guess I had no choice. I went to her and she welcomed me with open arms. I never thought a hug would feel that good. I felt loved and cared. She apologized for her past mistakes and promised to take care of me.
I realized that a person’s experiences in the past molds him to be a better person in the present. I felt unloved for a long period of time. When talks about having a future family start, I kept mum. I do not know how to express my doubts about a perfect family because I never experienced it in the first place. But then, I realized, I was emotionally hurt before. Just thinking about my future children makes me want to protect them at all cost. I want them to feel loved and cherished. I made a promise to myself not to make my children experience what I experienced before.
At an early age of twelve, I lived at my aunt’s house. The next year, I lived in another aunt’s house at Cagayan de Oro. I don’t know whether my aunts really wanted me there or if they were just forced by the sudden responsibility they have toward me.
My stay in the previous houses weren’t that long. Another aunt welcomed me and made me stay at their house in North Cotabato. I stayed there for four years.
When vacation came, I went to Pangasinan to visit my maternal relatives. I was so shocked when I found out that my mother, whom I thought was still abroad, was in Pangasinan as well. I could still remember the tremble in my voice when I asked her, “Ma, andito ka?” She was staring at me as if she did not know what to say. I looked at her until my eyes steadied on her stomach. She was carrying a baby. I did not need to confirm it. I felt betrayed. My own mother lied to me. She was all I could rely on but even she had the guts to lie to me!
I never knew I could experience such anger and hatred towards one person until that revelation happened. I cried my heart out in my room. I hugged my pillow so tight and asked Him why I am experiencing all these heartaches. My relatives even told me that I’ll be staying Pangasinan for good and not just for a vacation.
I wanted to go home. But then, do I really have a home? I wanted to escape. I never did anyone wrong. But, why do I keep struggling and hurting? All I wanted was a happy life.
I swallowed my pride and went to my father in Manila. I was full of hope when I saw my father open the door for me. He had this stern look on his face and immediately told me I can’t stay with him in his house. Devastation was an understatement for my feelings during that time. Nobody really cares for me.
As soon as my mother found out about what happened in Manila, she immediately asked me if I wanted to stay with her and her new husband in Pangasinan. I felt hesitant at first. But I guess I had no choice. I went to her and she welcomed me with open arms. I never thought a hug would feel that good. I felt loved and cared. She apologized for her past mistakes and promised to take care of me.
I realized that a person’s experiences in the past molds him to be a better person in the present. I felt unloved for a long period of time. When talks about having a future family start, I kept mum. I do not know how to express my doubts about a perfect family because I never experienced it in the first place. But then, I realized, I was emotionally hurt before. Just thinking about my future children makes me want to protect them at all cost. I want them to feel loved and cherished. I made a promise to myself not to make my children experience what I experienced before.